One x-ray later...

So I went to my OB/GYN today for a 6 week follow up after placement of my IUD. Whaddaya know? He can't find it. It's not alarming really, except when he had the nurse bring in a metal hook so he could try to find it that way. That was really pleasant. Still there was no luck, so they call the hospital next door and send me over for an x-ray to make sure it's still there. So an hour later (waiting at the hospital) I get a call- it's there right where it should be. Whew! For a minute there I could've been concerned. Oh wait...I am too tired/stressed to be concerned...just glad the hook is gone. :)

Improving Skills

So, in my look for employment, I have had to update my resume (significantly) get certified in typing, meet with several "temp" agencies, and find time to remain sane. On the bright side, while I was testing to become a "certified typist" - it sounds so official...but hey with the government you have to be certified, anyway, I have learned to love taking free little typing tests online to practice. I feel like I have improved quite a bit. When I took the "certifiable" test it was 10 minutes long - I had to type at least 40 WPM with 3 or less word errors. Sounds easy, but when they don't allow you to backspace to fix mistakes, it sucks! I am happy to report that I did do fine and my certificate is in the mail: 69 WPM @ 96% accuracy.

I have been coached and recoached on how to interview properly. You see there are mistakes that can be made in interviews and I've learned all about how to sell myself!

These "improvements" are not necessarily things I thought I needed to improve on - or cared to improve on, but when you are looking for jobs that make certain amounts -you have to be qualified. (Daycare is spendy...)

Anywho...it's been a road. Can't really say what kind of road...don't really care at this point - just going through the motions. But hey - I am now officially a "certified typist." (BTW - if that is one of your life long goals to become one, it only costs $10 and you get 3 ten minute trys to get your best score.)

The Dumps...

Well, that stupid health care thing passed. I am officially in the dumps.

Loosening up....

So, I am learning a lot about myself lately. Aside from how to do my eye makeup - which is fun, there are other things I am learning. When you have been beat up, drug down, kicked, hammered, spit upon, etc. by life of course not people, you tend to see your true colors.

So, I used to get really upset when everyone was at my house - the neighborhood - getting out toys, playing in my backyard, riding my kid's bikes, etc. Now I see them coming and I'm glad for it- glad that my kids can be outside playing, glad that they are at MY house and not someone elses, glad that I can hear them laughing and know that they are still kids, not bogged down by "the life of the grown up."

My house is similar. I used to clean constantly- and that is used in the literal sense. I still clean, don't get me wrong, but I'll let the bathrooms go for way longer than I used to, I'll only mop the floor if it's horribly sticky (not every other day like I was), and I don't change everyone's sheets once a week. Judge me if you want...they still get changed but it's like every other week now, unless there is an accident. In reality this whole ongoing experience has just forced me to loosen up. I needed to anyway.

Looking for a job makes you do that too- you spend more of your time at home playing with your kids rather than cleaning because you don't know when you last day "home" might be before you start/get a job. ****sigh****

I am not depressed. Well not today anyway, in fact most days are good. I am just constatnly running scenarios through in my mind....what if... what if....what if...

hmmm....

Beauty Tips!

So, I have never been one that has been a great student of beauty. In fact, growing up and still today - my sisters have had to help me along.

In high school I thought tweezing your eyebrows was overrated,painful, and pointless. I refused to do it. When I went to the one prom that I went to, Tricia did my hair and makeup. She wouldn't let me go until we had tweezed all those stray brows away...and from then forward I have been trying to upkeep the tweezed look. I am not so good at it and really would rather have them waxed every so often - it's just easier.

Recently I have wanted to learn how to wear make-up. Yeah, yeah, I have worn it since high school, but I have never really "known" how to put it on - it was all a guess for me...watching my mom and sisters was my best class. Anyway, Tricia and Lynn always have their eyes so pretty - literally, their eye make up is so great. So, this last weekend I splurged (well my mom helped me splurge- thnx mom) on a new eye shadow brush and some eye liner. Trish gave me a quick run down of how she does hers and left me to my own talent. So, Sunday and today I have been trying to figure out how you put eye liner under your eyes and on your eyelid. It is way harder than I thought, but it does make your eyes look bigger.

Clothing is also a downfall for me. I have NO fashion sense. You laugh, but it's true. I am still wearing sweats from high school and rarely get new clothes unless Lynn is getting rid of hers or Trish comes across something she thinks I'll like that her friend found at a garage sale. It's sad really - but I just don't have the energy to care. I like to look good so I am grateful when I put something together that is so jazzed! (did I really just use that word?)

Anyway, it is a learning process. I am going to get better at it. I will have to. When/If I find a job I will need to look better than I do when I am just at home in sweats all day. :) They are my fave!

So, to all you beauty experts...send me your tips - especially for great eyes.

Dear Hunter

Dear Hunter,

You are going to be eight in a little over a month....what happened? I remember bringing you home from the hospital and being terrified that the nurses couldn't come with me. It turned out, I think I did ok.

You are such a precious boy. You try so so hard to do everything right and everything that will please your dad and I. I am amazed at your memorization capacity - you are 7 years old and you have black belt in karate. That's a lot of hard work and moves to memorize. Way to go!

You have started piano and are picking up on it so well. I am glad for that since I am the teacher and I would feel like a total failure if I didn't do a good job.

I love you love of reading the scriptures and how every night at family study you ask to read a few verses.

I enjoy our evening moments together when I come into your room to tuck you in. We have our best conversations there. I learn about your day, your fears, friends, frustrations, etc. I am glad that you feel that you can confide in me. Don't ever lose that characteristic because I love you no matter what and want you to be successful in this life.

I love that you want so much to be like your dad and on any occasion you are hot on his heels to go with him, even if it's just around the block! You have such a desire to never disappoint - that's so awesome!



In a few months you are going to be baptized. WHAT? It is so crazy that you are olde enough to start on the path of eternal life by making each covenant. You have worked so hard for the last year (yes year) memorizing the 13 Articles of Faith in preparation for this big day! You are almost there....1 and 1/2 to go! I am so proud of you.

You have such a magnetic personality. When I watch you with your friends I see that. All of them congregate at our house by you...waiting to see what fun think you will be doing that day. It's usually football on our front lawn, lately it's been soccer.

You always have the sweetest smile. It takes a lot to get under your skin and irritate you. That is such a gift that came from God. Don't lose that. When I see you smile I realize how much physically you are like me...those top teeth....there will be some braces I promise. :)

I think it's so sweet that whenever you lose a tooth there is always a tooth under your pillow along with a note to the toothfairy. Sometimes it's just a note, sometimes it's a questionaire...regardless I love it that you think about her/him.

You are getting big so fast and that is evident to me when we are eating dinner and you have all kinds of "football" stories from school about how you dove to catch the ball, or how you totally intercepted it from a 5th grader! Never lose that confidence sweet boy!

I adore you Hunter. I am so glad that you set such a good example for your brothers and sister. I apppreciate so much your willingness to help - even if it is just so you can go out and play. Keep that twinkle in your eye and the spring in your step, continue being kind to everyone you meet and people will continue to love you- maybe not as much as me, but they will love you for your kindness. I love you.

Dear Gwendalin

Dear Gwendalin,

Tonight my thoughts are all on you while I write this letter. You are such a special daughter! I was thrilled when I found out I was getting a girl. I loved being able to paint your toenails and put headbands in your hair and doll you up. I still love doing those things. It's fun to do "girlie" stuff with you.
You are a strong willed girl which I am so glad for and also sometimes upset over. I know that it will be a great benefit to you when you are faced with adversity and have to stand up for what is right. Sometimes that strong will pushes every button I have though. :)

I love that you love to sing. Hearing you in your room with you microphone singing or "hosting" some event is so much fun. I picture you every time sitting in front of your closet mirror watching yourself give the concert. It's darling!
You have such a maternal instinct already. You are so good with Dallin and with Tyler. Always making sure they have what they need/want. They love you for that. I love you for that. It's nice to know that you like to play with them and don't mind watching them when you're outside with your friends.

You are such a helper! Any time there is something to be made in the kitchen you are right there, pulling the chair over so you can see what's happening on the counter and asking for your apron to be able to help - someday you will make someone a great wife....someday- when you're like 32.

I adore your love of texting and always wanting my phone to text someone even though all you right is "Gwendalin" and then you send it.

You have such a big heart and are so thoughtful. You are always concerned for other people. When Nancy passed away, you were concerned for Bill. When someone is sick you always remember them in your prayers. What a gift! Your sincerity is a trait that most of the world lacks.

I love how you smack your lips while you're talking, I think it's to get your point across. But it's very endearing and makes you sound leaps and bounds older than you really are.

Someday you will look back at being 5 and won't remember that every time you saw a phone you picked it up and called dad...even if you have nothing to say but "I love you." You call him any chance you get.

You are a princess, or maybe a sleeping beauty. You love to sleep - in fact, you are my sleeper inner. Even when your brothers are up in the morning you don't care and will sleep sleep sleep.

It's crazy that you love that pink blanket so much....but I know it brings you comfort so as long as it stays in your room and not all over my house it's okay...and if you don't suck your thumb when you have it. :)

Gwennie, you are a beautiful beautiful girl. So much spunk! So much energy. You are starting to notice boys and when they come to the house you get "flirty" - you run away or say something very intellectual - what a sweet girl you are.

I am proud of you - that you always want to do what's right and obey Heavenly Father. I love your determination to try to learn the Articles of Faith with Hunter. I love how thoughtful you are when you pray!

I hope as you grow we stay close and have fun "girl" times when the boys are at Father and Sons or hunting, or whatever... I love you sweet girl!

Dear Tyler

Dear Tyler,
Tonight you don't feel very good. But you are as sweet as ever. I don't know if it's the "feeling icky" or just your sweet you , but when I got you out of the tub and put on your jammies we were talking about Heavenly Father. You pointed out that He let you sit on His lap. Regardless of why you said it (sick or not) it was so sweet just like you.

I love that you come up to me and sit as close as you can and say quietly "mom? you know I luv you?" or "I luv you so much." It's so sweet and so sincere. You don't only do it to me, but also to Dad and occasionally to your siblings as well.

I am grateful for your patience with your little brother. He knows how to push your buttons and I am glad that you still love him and try to play with him.

I see every day that you are very similar to me. Everything has to be just perfect according to your standard of perfect or there's a serious problem in your mind that something horrible has gone wrong. Shoe laces, clothes, HAIR, (oh, man that hair, it has to be moussed just right or it's not "handsome"), etc.

I love your ability to play content in a corner by yourself with your dinosaurs when there's no one else around. You make the greatest noises with those dinosaurs and with your airplanes and cars!

It's great that you can be a distance away from me and see me catch you eye and flash a big "thumbs up" with a huge grin! It melts my heart!



I look forward to Sundays when you see your older siblings getting their scriptures and you scour the house looking for a set that you can take as well.

It doesn't matter what the case if someone asks you something that doesn't mean that much to you your answer is always "nah." and you dismiss it immediately. For instance, in primary your teacher asked you if you liked to play with your brothers and sister (you were busy playing so you didn't care) the answer was "nah" and you flipped your hand nonchalantly at her. This was a recurring theme for you that day in Sunbeams...every answer was "nah."

I love that you laugh at everything, espeically that you are so talented in the burping area when you drink any fluid. It is hilarious to watch you laugh after you burp...it's so funny to you.

You motivate me. Every day you ask "mom, are we going to exercise today?" because you love going to the church and playing with your friends while I work out...regardless of why you ask, it motivates me.

Little Texas you are an amazing boy. You are content to watch, and yet you hate to be left out when there's a lot of action. You love to help with anything I'm doing. And you loved to find everything sweet in the cupboards when I'm not looking - what pops in my head right now are the sprinkles from the sprinkle jar that you just sat on the counter and poured into your mouth.

I am so glad you have such a sense of worth! You play the Wii and just finishing a game you raise both hands in the air while announcing "I'm AWESOME!" Yes, Tex, you are awesome! I am glad Heavenly Father let you get off His lap and come share mine for a while. I love you.

Dear Dallin

Dear Dallin,

Tonight I watched you as you went to "tell" your brothers and sisters so obediently that it was time for scriptures. You ran to them as soon as I asked with a smile on your face , and when I say ran, I mean ran. Your head led the way and it looked as though you might just topple over because your legs couldn't quite keep up with you as you went - you had your arms for balance out in front of you - maybe that's why you didn't tumble. It was darling to watch you go. The diaper only attire just added to the cuteness.

I think it's great that when it's time for bed you can't let me leave the room with out a tuss (kiss). And you kiss my cheek and life is good. And once I'm gone from the room, you lay in your bed and talk and laugh just enjoying the moment.

I love that by softly laughing a "hee hee hee" in your ear tends to bring on contangious giggles that won't quit. I love that when you want my attention you grab my face or yell "MAHM" until I am completely yours.

I think it's great that no matter who you want, in order to get their attention they are all "MAHM" - even grandparents and dad become mom when you want them to notice what you are saying.


I love your conversations. You have so much to say - even if I don't understand any of the babble, I love the inflections in your voice and the cander with which you tell your stories. I can only imagine what might be going on in your mind - I'm sure the veil is still very thin for you.

I think it's hilarious that any chance you get if a door is opened you are hot on the trail to get outside.

Your love for our dogs is also endearing. I think it's great that you always want to know where Aggie is and then when you see her in person or she gets too close to you physically you are in tears.

Right now you are so inquisitive. You are always asking either where "papa" is or where Aggie is. It is repeated continuously until you get an answer. "Where's papa?" (with your shoulders shrugged and your face perplexed) when I respond "at his house, or she's sleeping." Your reply is simply "oh." and you are satisfied for at least 30 seconds until you ask again.

You have such a tender heart. I love that you point to "papa" (grandma/grandpa) every time we go down the hall to your room, and then on the way back you point out Jesus on the wall.

I love that no matter what the circumstances a bottle and "dit dut" (blanket) can make everything better. It doesn't hurt to be wearing only a diaper as well...you tend to be much happier that way.

Dallie, you always have a grin. You always want to be social. I love your enthusiasm for life. What a blessing you are to our family.

Letters to my kids...

I have been very reflective on how fast my kids are growing up. I decided that I will write each one a letter this week and just tell them the things I love about them. Hopefully I can make this a habit every so often and later in their lives they can reflect on my thoughts at these stages in their lives.