Dear Hunter

Dear Hunter,

You are going to be eight in a little over a month....what happened? I remember bringing you home from the hospital and being terrified that the nurses couldn't come with me. It turned out, I think I did ok.

You are such a precious boy. You try so so hard to do everything right and everything that will please your dad and I. I am amazed at your memorization capacity - you are 7 years old and you have black belt in karate. That's a lot of hard work and moves to memorize. Way to go!

You have started piano and are picking up on it so well. I am glad for that since I am the teacher and I would feel like a total failure if I didn't do a good job.

I love you love of reading the scriptures and how every night at family study you ask to read a few verses.

I enjoy our evening moments together when I come into your room to tuck you in. We have our best conversations there. I learn about your day, your fears, friends, frustrations, etc. I am glad that you feel that you can confide in me. Don't ever lose that characteristic because I love you no matter what and want you to be successful in this life.

I love that you want so much to be like your dad and on any occasion you are hot on his heels to go with him, even if it's just around the block! You have such a desire to never disappoint - that's so awesome!



In a few months you are going to be baptized. WHAT? It is so crazy that you are olde enough to start on the path of eternal life by making each covenant. You have worked so hard for the last year (yes year) memorizing the 13 Articles of Faith in preparation for this big day! You are almost there....1 and 1/2 to go! I am so proud of you.

You have such a magnetic personality. When I watch you with your friends I see that. All of them congregate at our house by you...waiting to see what fun think you will be doing that day. It's usually football on our front lawn, lately it's been soccer.

You always have the sweetest smile. It takes a lot to get under your skin and irritate you. That is such a gift that came from God. Don't lose that. When I see you smile I realize how much physically you are like me...those top teeth....there will be some braces I promise. :)

I think it's so sweet that whenever you lose a tooth there is always a tooth under your pillow along with a note to the toothfairy. Sometimes it's just a note, sometimes it's a questionaire...regardless I love it that you think about her/him.

You are getting big so fast and that is evident to me when we are eating dinner and you have all kinds of "football" stories from school about how you dove to catch the ball, or how you totally intercepted it from a 5th grader! Never lose that confidence sweet boy!

I adore you Hunter. I am so glad that you set such a good example for your brothers and sister. I apppreciate so much your willingness to help - even if it is just so you can go out and play. Keep that twinkle in your eye and the spring in your step, continue being kind to everyone you meet and people will continue to love you- maybe not as much as me, but they will love you for your kindness. I love you.

Dear Gwendalin

Dear Gwendalin,

Tonight my thoughts are all on you while I write this letter. You are such a special daughter! I was thrilled when I found out I was getting a girl. I loved being able to paint your toenails and put headbands in your hair and doll you up. I still love doing those things. It's fun to do "girlie" stuff with you.
You are a strong willed girl which I am so glad for and also sometimes upset over. I know that it will be a great benefit to you when you are faced with adversity and have to stand up for what is right. Sometimes that strong will pushes every button I have though. :)

I love that you love to sing. Hearing you in your room with you microphone singing or "hosting" some event is so much fun. I picture you every time sitting in front of your closet mirror watching yourself give the concert. It's darling!
You have such a maternal instinct already. You are so good with Dallin and with Tyler. Always making sure they have what they need/want. They love you for that. I love you for that. It's nice to know that you like to play with them and don't mind watching them when you're outside with your friends.

You are such a helper! Any time there is something to be made in the kitchen you are right there, pulling the chair over so you can see what's happening on the counter and asking for your apron to be able to help - someday you will make someone a great wife....someday- when you're like 32.

I adore your love of texting and always wanting my phone to text someone even though all you right is "Gwendalin" and then you send it.

You have such a big heart and are so thoughtful. You are always concerned for other people. When Nancy passed away, you were concerned for Bill. When someone is sick you always remember them in your prayers. What a gift! Your sincerity is a trait that most of the world lacks.

I love how you smack your lips while you're talking, I think it's to get your point across. But it's very endearing and makes you sound leaps and bounds older than you really are.

Someday you will look back at being 5 and won't remember that every time you saw a phone you picked it up and called dad...even if you have nothing to say but "I love you." You call him any chance you get.

You are a princess, or maybe a sleeping beauty. You love to sleep - in fact, you are my sleeper inner. Even when your brothers are up in the morning you don't care and will sleep sleep sleep.

It's crazy that you love that pink blanket so much....but I know it brings you comfort so as long as it stays in your room and not all over my house it's okay...and if you don't suck your thumb when you have it. :)

Gwennie, you are a beautiful beautiful girl. So much spunk! So much energy. You are starting to notice boys and when they come to the house you get "flirty" - you run away or say something very intellectual - what a sweet girl you are.

I am proud of you - that you always want to do what's right and obey Heavenly Father. I love your determination to try to learn the Articles of Faith with Hunter. I love how thoughtful you are when you pray!

I hope as you grow we stay close and have fun "girl" times when the boys are at Father and Sons or hunting, or whatever... I love you sweet girl!

Dear Tyler

Dear Tyler,
Tonight you don't feel very good. But you are as sweet as ever. I don't know if it's the "feeling icky" or just your sweet you , but when I got you out of the tub and put on your jammies we were talking about Heavenly Father. You pointed out that He let you sit on His lap. Regardless of why you said it (sick or not) it was so sweet just like you.

I love that you come up to me and sit as close as you can and say quietly "mom? you know I luv you?" or "I luv you so much." It's so sweet and so sincere. You don't only do it to me, but also to Dad and occasionally to your siblings as well.

I am grateful for your patience with your little brother. He knows how to push your buttons and I am glad that you still love him and try to play with him.

I see every day that you are very similar to me. Everything has to be just perfect according to your standard of perfect or there's a serious problem in your mind that something horrible has gone wrong. Shoe laces, clothes, HAIR, (oh, man that hair, it has to be moussed just right or it's not "handsome"), etc.

I love your ability to play content in a corner by yourself with your dinosaurs when there's no one else around. You make the greatest noises with those dinosaurs and with your airplanes and cars!

It's great that you can be a distance away from me and see me catch you eye and flash a big "thumbs up" with a huge grin! It melts my heart!



I look forward to Sundays when you see your older siblings getting their scriptures and you scour the house looking for a set that you can take as well.

It doesn't matter what the case if someone asks you something that doesn't mean that much to you your answer is always "nah." and you dismiss it immediately. For instance, in primary your teacher asked you if you liked to play with your brothers and sister (you were busy playing so you didn't care) the answer was "nah" and you flipped your hand nonchalantly at her. This was a recurring theme for you that day in Sunbeams...every answer was "nah."

I love that you laugh at everything, espeically that you are so talented in the burping area when you drink any fluid. It is hilarious to watch you laugh after you burp...it's so funny to you.

You motivate me. Every day you ask "mom, are we going to exercise today?" because you love going to the church and playing with your friends while I work out...regardless of why you ask, it motivates me.

Little Texas you are an amazing boy. You are content to watch, and yet you hate to be left out when there's a lot of action. You love to help with anything I'm doing. And you loved to find everything sweet in the cupboards when I'm not looking - what pops in my head right now are the sprinkles from the sprinkle jar that you just sat on the counter and poured into your mouth.

I am so glad you have such a sense of worth! You play the Wii and just finishing a game you raise both hands in the air while announcing "I'm AWESOME!" Yes, Tex, you are awesome! I am glad Heavenly Father let you get off His lap and come share mine for a while. I love you.

Dear Dallin

Dear Dallin,

Tonight I watched you as you went to "tell" your brothers and sisters so obediently that it was time for scriptures. You ran to them as soon as I asked with a smile on your face , and when I say ran, I mean ran. Your head led the way and it looked as though you might just topple over because your legs couldn't quite keep up with you as you went - you had your arms for balance out in front of you - maybe that's why you didn't tumble. It was darling to watch you go. The diaper only attire just added to the cuteness.

I think it's great that when it's time for bed you can't let me leave the room with out a tuss (kiss). And you kiss my cheek and life is good. And once I'm gone from the room, you lay in your bed and talk and laugh just enjoying the moment.

I love that by softly laughing a "hee hee hee" in your ear tends to bring on contangious giggles that won't quit. I love that when you want my attention you grab my face or yell "MAHM" until I am completely yours.

I think it's great that no matter who you want, in order to get their attention they are all "MAHM" - even grandparents and dad become mom when you want them to notice what you are saying.


I love your conversations. You have so much to say - even if I don't understand any of the babble, I love the inflections in your voice and the cander with which you tell your stories. I can only imagine what might be going on in your mind - I'm sure the veil is still very thin for you.

I think it's hilarious that any chance you get if a door is opened you are hot on the trail to get outside.

Your love for our dogs is also endearing. I think it's great that you always want to know where Aggie is and then when you see her in person or she gets too close to you physically you are in tears.

Right now you are so inquisitive. You are always asking either where "papa" is or where Aggie is. It is repeated continuously until you get an answer. "Where's papa?" (with your shoulders shrugged and your face perplexed) when I respond "at his house, or she's sleeping." Your reply is simply "oh." and you are satisfied for at least 30 seconds until you ask again.

You have such a tender heart. I love that you point to "papa" (grandma/grandpa) every time we go down the hall to your room, and then on the way back you point out Jesus on the wall.

I love that no matter what the circumstances a bottle and "dit dut" (blanket) can make everything better. It doesn't hurt to be wearing only a diaper as well...you tend to be much happier that way.

Dallie, you always have a grin. You always want to be social. I love your enthusiasm for life. What a blessing you are to our family.

Letters to my kids...

I have been very reflective on how fast my kids are growing up. I decided that I will write each one a letter this week and just tell them the things I love about them. Hopefully I can make this a habit every so often and later in their lives they can reflect on my thoughts at these stages in their lives.

Girl's Weekend in Sundance!

The first weekend in February we held a "girl's" weekend. My sister Lynn married into a family that was kind enough to allow us the use of their gorgeous cabin in Sundance Utah. I have more pictures than this but I didn't want to hold off posting - so more pics wll come. We invited everyone (girls) that branched from my mom and her 3 sisters. We had all of the cousins turn out and a few of the "married in" cousins as well. We played games, ate way too much junk food, sat by a constant fire, talked, told stories, dreams, jokes, memories, had hair demonstrations, went to bed way too late, cried, didn't change diapers, got a car unstuck from the snow, and watched the snow fall. My grandparents even came up for the afternoon . Grandma got her hair cute and toes painted - she is darling - very regal classy woman. We went to church with grandpa on Sunday - I think there were like 12 of us with him....it was great! Anyway, it was very relaxing, very renewing to draw strength from everyone - each in our own set of circumstances, each wanting the others to succeed. I know the Lord was very wise in allowing us families, they truly are a gift.

What am I not learning?

So, the last 18 months or so have been really rough. I think I may have mentioned that. We keep thinking that the end is near (end of the hardship), and just when we think there's a "glimmer" of change, something happens and we find ourselves in the same place. I am not complaining really, it's been a while since I've had a good cry so it's all good. Sometimes just ramble writing helps clear my mind. It would seem like if you have spent 5 years building a relationship with another business that they would really consider you for more work...but that has not been the case and now we are back at square one. We thought it was in the bag...we thought it might be a way to be able to just pay our day to day bills - but they decided to go with someone else. It's not our fault that we got the shaft when the economy tanked...we paid our bills, but it's the hundreds of thousands of dollars (literally) that other people owed us that they didn't pay that put us here - small businesses like ours can't recover from something like that, so we did our best with what we had. We paid our bills and took a very personal hit in doing so in order to save the business to keep us with some kind of income. We have listened so closely through this whole process -we feel like we've done everything we should've done. I am fine going through hard times and I know there is something to be learned. I don't understand what I haven't learned yet that I still must need to learn so that it can be over. I'm trying. I can't complain or lose it around my kids or Travis. It's not fair to any of them. Travis is trying so hard to do whatever he can - but in case you haven't heard finding a good job is near impossible - minimum wage employment - there are some, but not to support a family. And my kids just get really concerned if I walk around in a stupor, so that's not an option either. I just wish I could see the outcome - somehow I know it will work out, I know that there's a plan, if I'm just patient. But for now, I will continue to have a constant headache, a mind that never rests, tears that fall after the lights are out and the house is quiet, very personal blog posts that I'm sure one day I will look back on and be glad to see I had emotions during this time, I will continue to remind myself that I have 4 beautiful happy HEALTHY kids that I adore, and a husband who adores me and tries so hard every day - because I am blessed and I know that...but it's really hard sometimes to remember that when there's adversity staring you in the face day after day. In spite of it all, as long as I try to keep the faith and perspective, life is great! ( I mean that with all sincerity.) We are so richly blessed, maybe not financially at the moment, but in every other way.