What am I not learning?

So, the last 18 months or so have been really rough. I think I may have mentioned that. We keep thinking that the end is near (end of the hardship), and just when we think there's a "glimmer" of change, something happens and we find ourselves in the same place. I am not complaining really, it's been a while since I've had a good cry so it's all good. Sometimes just ramble writing helps clear my mind. It would seem like if you have spent 5 years building a relationship with another business that they would really consider you for more work...but that has not been the case and now we are back at square one. We thought it was in the bag...we thought it might be a way to be able to just pay our day to day bills - but they decided to go with someone else. It's not our fault that we got the shaft when the economy tanked...we paid our bills, but it's the hundreds of thousands of dollars (literally) that other people owed us that they didn't pay that put us here - small businesses like ours can't recover from something like that, so we did our best with what we had. We paid our bills and took a very personal hit in doing so in order to save the business to keep us with some kind of income. We have listened so closely through this whole process -we feel like we've done everything we should've done. I am fine going through hard times and I know there is something to be learned. I don't understand what I haven't learned yet that I still must need to learn so that it can be over. I'm trying. I can't complain or lose it around my kids or Travis. It's not fair to any of them. Travis is trying so hard to do whatever he can - but in case you haven't heard finding a good job is near impossible - minimum wage employment - there are some, but not to support a family. And my kids just get really concerned if I walk around in a stupor, so that's not an option either. I just wish I could see the outcome - somehow I know it will work out, I know that there's a plan, if I'm just patient. But for now, I will continue to have a constant headache, a mind that never rests, tears that fall after the lights are out and the house is quiet, very personal blog posts that I'm sure one day I will look back on and be glad to see I had emotions during this time, I will continue to remind myself that I have 4 beautiful happy HEALTHY kids that I adore, and a husband who adores me and tries so hard every day - because I am blessed and I know that...but it's really hard sometimes to remember that when there's adversity staring you in the face day after day. In spite of it all, as long as I try to keep the faith and perspective, life is great! ( I mean that with all sincerity.) We are so richly blessed, maybe not financially at the moment, but in every other way.