You will have significant experiences. I hope that you will write them down and keep record of them, that you will read them from time to time and refresh your memory of those meaningful and significant things. Some may be funny. some may be significant only to you. some of them may be sacred and quietly beautiful. Some may build one upon another until they represent a lifetime of special experience. - President Hinckley



Thursday, May 5, 2011

Inexplicable Feelings....ever had those?

So, since we have moved from our house next door they have been painting and redoing everything. Today they are recarpeting. I am so so happy that they are doing this because then when someone buys is it will be nice and clean for them. But, watching them make all of these changes - particularly the painting was so hard for me....isn't that so stupid? I watched out my windows every day as they painted and then yesterday when they finished I walked over and peeked in the windows and everything I had done was gone, painted over, erased, and all of "me" or what I had done to make it mine was gone. I had such a hard time with it all day after I looked in the windows. That is so so ridiculous to feel like that - I am glad they are doing it, relieved that someone won't have to see the stained carpets! I was fine most of the day and then a neighbor came over and asked what they had been doing to that house and I totally lost it. What? Seriously? Marie, GET. IT. TOGETHER! I was so embarassed, probably because it was a neighbor - who hasn't had to go through what I've gone through and even doing my best to explain why I was feeling like I was feeling - it was not making any logical sense because I was glad they had made the changes. I am happy where I am now so why am I so upset over it? I don't know if that makes any sense at all, but even now just writing it down I am emotional about it. I think just because it was mine and I had worked hard to make it such and now any remnant of me is gone - but I'm glad...it really is completely irrational thought...oh well....I guess unless you've been through it you'll never understand.

2 comments:

The Gibbens said...

I haven't been exactly there... but close enough- it is very strange, and I can't even imagine watching the transition. Everytime (almost) I left that neighborhood, I would drive by my old house... and here is a secret, one time I opened the garage door becuase it was still programmed into my car buttons... I know that's stupid- and kinda mean, and would be really freaky for the new owners... but I thought, "see, it was mine once... I just proved it- to you, and to me...." silly- I get everything you said... all of it... those houses weren't just where we lived- they were where we chose to move and start our dream, support our men, raise our kids, etc... they represent a lot more than just a house, just a home... I'm glad you couldn't post pics of the makeover because I would surely cry... I cried when you posted the "shell"... I cried and cried at that one... I hope you know I kinda get it... and I love you!

Brigg and Dianne said...

I can't claim to understand what you've been through, but I understand that you are affected by it. Love you!