I feel like my brain has taken the backseat lately. It's too full of information that I can't control. Decisions that are in the distance that I fret over and yet the fretting does no good. I feel like I am a terrible mom lately. Tonight Hunter has told me I ruined his life. Eh...I take it lightly, tomorrow I will ruin his life again. It sucks to make your kids cry and have consequences that they don't like for actions they did. Anyway, that's on the feeble brain at the moment.
When you get married you have in your head this notion of "happily ever after" - riding off into the sunset and all your troubles are gone. I'm not complaining because for the most part I feel like I got my "happily ever after:" perfect guy for me, healthy kids, food on the table, toilets, running water, hot showers, etc. But what wasn't in my plan was the adversity that came with the "happily ever after." Yeah, yeah, it's supposed to come, I know...I guess I just thought if I didn't include it in my plan then it wouldn't come. So, now the brain is on overload as I daily try to digest many predicaments. Ok we know we are doing the job we are supposed to, it couldn't have been clearer that this is what the Lord wants us to be doing...but when will it be profitable and provide income for us to sustain ourselves? Where will we live next month? Why do I hate cooking? Will there ever be just days of calm- no hustle...? How do I ease the burdens placed on loved ones?
These are all questions (and more) that I sift through - now I'm not complaining because even though this *%&$^ wasn't in my plan it's ok. I know eventually it will be fine. I am not forgotten. I'm just trying to endure my "happily ever after" patiently with grace and dignity. Positive attitudes and smiles. Sometimes I just wonder, whodathot this would be my plan?
5 comments:
Oh, sister..... Let others do the worrying for you... believe me, we are- so you take that worry-free, no hustle/hassle/bustle day and enjoy it.... You are a great mom, awesome sister, fantastic daughter, and a wonderful example... (don't roll your eyes at me)...
p.s..... I hear it on a daily basis that "my life sucks!" or "This is the worst day ever!" and I've usually caused it.... it's their age... and, might I add, our exceptional parenting!
Marie, I'm so sorry you're going through all of this! You are an amazing person and I really admire you! You are a true example of patience and endurance. I hope things turn around quickly for you and your family. We'll be praying for you! Love ya!
LOL! I can laugh because I feel it too! Jacob constantly believes his days are horrible. He's such a worry wart. And of course, chores make life seem absolutely miserable. Despite the fact that ALL of his friends have Chores TOO@!!
Ahh the trials of uncertainty. It's a really hard place to be. We've been there, and I am not without the belief that we could endure it again. I certaintly didn't ever think I would do anything besides stay at home and love on my babies all day. I never thought I would live in a cozy little house and wonder how does anyone ever buy "vintage" and Gap and why I can't ever seem to have a clean house anymore.
But it was during our hardest times that I did my best to be the closest to the Lord.
So hang in there
This too shall pass.
I remind myself of that often!
Dood, I don't think I'm cut out for that whole parenting thing. You make it look so easy! You're the best mom ever & your kids will grow up to be amazing people!
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