Defeated...

I have never been one that likes to cook. I can bake all day long and it will taste good and life is grand, but cooking meals - just not my thing. Although Hunter did tell me once that something I made tasted like it was by a "professional cooker". :) I wake up in the morning and realize that I am responsible again for dinner that night. It's so discouraging. I loathe it. I don't think I would mind if I enjoyed it or if I had recipes my family would like.

Last night we had a take and bake pizza from the grocery store and when Hunter asked what was for dinner I told him pizza. His response "Finally something good for dinner!" I don't feel bad about it because I know I am not Betty Crocker or Mr. Stouffer - I told Travis what Hunter said and he laughed (as I would expect) but then he said "You make the best chicken I've ever tasted." I am frequently mocked because I cook a lot of chicken...and I know Travis gets sick of it. I like it because it's lean and it's not fish - so yes, it gets made a lot. He was being a little sarcastic when he said what he said.

I think I do a pretty good job at most of the things I take on - cleaning, organizing, loving on my kids, payroll taxes, business related tasks, etc. but in this one area I know I am failing miserably. LIke tonight for instance, Travis won't be home until 7 so I will likely bust out the tortillas and cheese and make quesidillas. I could eat a sweet potato for dinner every day, yogurt for breakfast, and some turkey slices for lunch...however, I am now responsible for 5 people that don't enjoy eating those things all the time...and so they suffer through my chicken experiments and somehow gag them down.

I remember when I got married and I was still under the "happily ever after" spell - my Aunt Debbie said "I remember when I woke up one morning after I was married and it occured to me that I am responsible for dinner every night for the rest of my life." I laughed, now I just cringe at the truthfulness of that statement. I think because I don't enjoy it I don't want to spend any length of time on it....But I don't want to be considered lazy by anyone because I don't have gourmet dinners on the table every night or at least dinners that include all of the food groups-

I have this fear of having to go back to work. It literlly causes severe anxiety and panic for me. I am afraid that I won't be good at anything. And we aren't even contemplating this at the moment, but maybe if I think it through all the time, it won't really happen. Anyway, then I see myself falling short in many aspects of motherhood and think - maybe I should be working outside my house....I might be better suited. Then it passes and I realize how stupid I sound. And the "blah blah blah" echoes in my head.

So, if you have healthy recipes that are easy and take 30 minutes or less....send them my way. I will keep trying but I am sorely defeated lately at this particular motherly task.