I had another interview in Eagle two days after the first one in Nampa. This started out much better...my emotions were in check and I felt like the interview went really well. I had been offered the position at Plexus prior to this interview so it gave me some leverage when hoping this other company would hire me. They, however, did not hire me. I took this picture as I came home from the interview that day, a stark difference in how I looked compared to the interview on Tuesday. It was a good interview and I was glad for the experience and obviously the Lord knows where I need to be so it was ok that I didn't get this one.
I felt uneasy about the Plexus position still. I had no idea what I was going to do. So, on Monday (2/19) I had an appointment with my OB/GYN for my annual. I love that guy. He is the Stake Patriarch in his stake and is always very wise when I see him. I told him some of the stresses I'd been having , along with a full blown UTI that had come on over the weekend ( I was peeing blood again). He gave me the name of a book "Hearing the Voice of the Lord" by Gerald Lund because my burning question was How? How do I know when it's the spirit or when it's my crazy head - going too many miles an hour?" I came home and ordered it. He didn't solve any of my problems but he listened and told me I wasn't crazy, and when he left he hugged me and told me he loved me. Well, I love him too, and I am so glad Heavenly Father puts people in our lives that we need.
There was one day (they all run together now) where I was upset and discouraged and unsure and frustrated, you name it I was it. I got in the shower and cried and prayed and cried. Do I take the Plexus job - I don't feel good about it - it was the first offer - the Lord did tell me in the temple to 'be patient' so maybe it's not the right one. I went back and forth, and finally decided I needed closure, so I called the temp agency and told them I would not be accepting the position. There. It was done. Now I'm settled. Until Plexus HR calls me and says they have some questions...so I call back and tell them my concerns, it seems so stressful of a job - that's not good for me or my family. I need a higher pay if I accept it. So, they invited me in for another interview to pelt them with all my burning questions. I felt ok about it, so I scheduled it and I went. She (the hiring lady) spent a whole nother hour with me. I asked, she answered. She said that there was another gal seeking the position but didn't have the warmth that she felt I had even after our first interview....(are you serious? I was a wreck for the first interview....) I must've come off semi competent because they didn't offer her the job and seemed to want to pursue me. She even told me after the second interview to please hang in there because although the starting pay was lower than I wanted through the temp agency - she knew she could get me to where I wanted/needed to be. At this point, I felt peaceful. I felt like I could handle the tasks of the position, and work with these women. I now just needed to get started so I could get into a routine and feel confident and comfortable.
I left the facility and within an hour they called to offer me the job. I accepted. I start on Monday. I don't know how I feel, because sometimes I am fine and even excited, and sometimes I can't stop crying and the emotions won't quit.
I feel like I'm in the middle of a very bad dream. Someone will wake me up at any moment and say it isn't real. I can stay home and volunteer in my kid's classrooms, clean my house, do my laundry, go to the grocery store, be home, be safe. But no one has rescued me. No one has woken me up. It is real. And the way it has come to be helps me know that the Lord's hand was in it. "Be Patient" he said...."Plexus is NOT it for you" he said. So, I turned it down. after multiple confirmations that Plexus wasn't it. And then when I interviewed again, and felt so much more peaceful and even calm about it - I realized - that was how He had to tell me to do it. "Be Patient." ok, I am. I was so upset over this offer and the unease of the position it was making me sick "Plexus is NOT it" He said....so I declined the offer and then learned more and got more educated about it. I felt better and realized that is why He told me to be patient. I had to take the job off the table for them to offer the second interview so I could learn more. He knew that. He knew I had to decline to get more information , to have peace, to feel good about it. Because it was important to me, it was important to Him.
Even in the midst of all the crisis (or what I felt like was a crisis) He was there. I was sobbing and He was there. He sent Dallin - He sent Travis & my parents - He put people in place to say the right things at the right times.
Today I got a text (which by the way the day started out awful - more anxiety - more tears - more panic). I went out to run errands with Travis and Dallin. I got a text from a lady in my ward, Stephanie. She works at Plexus and I had no idea. She is in the training department and saw my name on the list - she was an angel this morning - telling me how excited they are to have me and how she thinks I will be a great fit for the position. I needed to hear that. I am so glad she listened.
This will be a process of adjustment. Our family will figure it out and we will be fine. Change is always a challenge, but always brings growth - let's just hope I can handle the growth - because it seems a bit overwhelming.
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