Work

So I have been rolled over at work as an official employee of Plexus.  We now have health benefits - $385/month and they are soooo good!  Hunter is getting braces this month or early next month and this insurance will cover $2000 of them!  Our other coverage we paid $850/month and didn’t even have dental and the medical was junk!  Travis and I are both super excited and I finally feel like my working has a purpose….since that is the sole reason I went back in the first place.  Don’t get me wrong it’s still so hard to come every day and many days (without telling Travis) I still long for the time at home with my kids during the summer and the quiet of home during the school year.  But it is what it is and I believe that Heavenly Father put me here for a reason so I will trust Him and let Him continue to guide my path, and hopefully I will hear His promptings and go where I need to be. 

It’s been a challenge that’s for sure, I am back on anti-depressants (it’s been over 10 years) and I have anxiety attacks way more often than I have in the past….I have to be extra careful about getting enough rest or it just compounds and gets worse and worse.

I have a friend here at work ( much older than I) who has become very dear to my heart in a very short amount of time.  She is having a very hard time right now…there is so much going on in her life that just happened overnight….It has been really hard on her and actually it has only been a week since it all changed literally one day.  I have been able to be a sounding board for her and just a friend to talk to that she knows is a safe/confident place to spew everything she is feeling.

Mother’s day was a challenge for me – all the talks about moms and their influence and I sat there and thought, I don’t have that anymore, I am forced to work.  I know it was the adversary, but I let him in anyway and felt sorry for myself.  There are more days than not that I feel like that.  I don’t know quite what I’m doing working – I like it while I am here (most of the time) but then there are times ( a lot) where I would love to deep clean my house, weed my front yard, do laundry, organize my junk drawers, etc.  And definitely play with my kids during the summer…there’s just no time by the time I get home at 5:30. 

I try not to lament over what I cannot change and I try to still hold out hope that I can be home again someday.  Someday…