A downhill spiral...

I have been in a very strange funk for the past few weeks.  I am in an ongoing battle with my mind over my body image....(this is nothing new) but for some reason it's really getting to me this go round and it's intense.  I'll survive it, I always do, but it's a pain in the rear and logically speaking there should be absolutely no issue here.  I think part of it stems from being so tired.  I have started working out at 6am daily (which I love) but you add regular mom life and / office life to that and I am dead tired.  End of quarter businesss stuff (taxes/payroll reports, etc.) took me several days to finish and then I tried to do laundry, volunteer in classrooms,  and I am tired.  Being tired creates it's own set of problems.

I think in addition to the fatigue, I am emotionally worn out.  My sweetest Aunt Beth who has had breast cancer for the last few years has hit a pretty hefty bump in the road and recovery is looking dismal at this point.  I cry when I think of her sweet self having to go through what she is going through and her kids - having babies, getting married, raising families, etc. that may not have their mother is almost more than I can handle.  It's not a sad though to think of her passing - I know this is necessary and wonderful, part of the plan, but because I am mortal the sadness is in knowing how much I will miss her.  I am hoping she can be healthy enough to get another grandbaby here with her youngest daughter this month and possibly make it to her oldest daughter's wedding...but only time will tell.  Then in the back of my mind I think: what if she goes right at the same time as Gwendalin's baptism on November 3rd? I can't miss either thing....so I am so torn and mull it over in my mind all the time......I have just been asking Heavenly Father to please let me be able to do both if there is any way.  It's in His hands....as is everything else....sometimes I need to remind myself of that.