Personal Demons

I tend to struggle on a pretty regular basis with what the heck I am supposed to be doing on  a daily basis.  Should I be working, why don't I have more time, am I raising my kids like Heavenly Father wants me to, am I magnifying my calling, do I help other people around me, am I am tune with the spirit, should I be trying to earn an income to help with the financial responsibilities of our household, should I try to lose weight, etc.? 

My mind NEVER stops.  It makes me crazy.  I try try try not to compare to others but I am human and I do.  I have friends who are so knowledgable about the gospel, mine is so simple, I haven't had an earth shattering experience where I KNOW it's true....I just know.  I think it's one of the gifts of the spirit that I have been blessed with.  I just have no doubts.  I have friends who couldn't care less about making extra money for their homes....they are perfectly content to be mom.  I WANT to be that.  I don't know why I stress over all the things that don't matter.  Every time something comes up that offers even a snippet of potential at earning a little extra $ I jump at the opportunity.....the other day I was so stressed over this, that I was on my knees and hoping for help.  In the car later that day, it was on my mind again...should I, shouldn't I, should I, etc.......blech!  I had the thought "Just let your husband take care of you."  Since then (it's been a few days) I have thought about that and it's come to mind again....Travis does a fantastic job of taking care of  us.  I've never wanted for anything, I have everything I need and my kids are happy and healthy.  So, how do I let go of this need to contribute? 

I cycle through sometimes thinking I should be doing more, spending more time with my kids, but then what do I do when I need to do payroll for Travis, or run him here or there for work, the kids end up in front of the computer or the tv......are they being ruined because I don't spend all my time with them?  Our days are packed full of everything good we can offer as parents, here's an example of what our week looks like:

Monday:  Dallin has preschool 9:15-12:15.  Hunter and Gwendalin go to school all day and Tyler gets picked up from kindergarten at noon.  When they get home from the bus (4:30-45ish)  We eat dinner and at 5 Gwendalin goes to soccer practice for an hour and at 5:30 Hunter goes to soccer practice and gets home at 8. FHE.

Tuesday: Dallin doesn't have school.  Other kids are the same.  Gwendalin gets off the bus and goes strait to dance from 5-5:45.

Wednesday:  Everyone same school schedule as Monday.  Same soccer schedule as Monday.  I am volunteering at the school in Tyler's and Gwendalin's classes on Wednesday mornings while Dallin is at preschool.

Thursday: Same with no Dallie preschool.  After school I pick up the kids we go strait to piano at 4 and 4:30 then Hunter goes strait to souts at 5-6.  When he gets home we eat.

Friday:  Same as Tuesday.  and Hunter has soccer from 5:30-8.

I am tired....I don't like to make dinner, it is my nemesis.  Why do other moms love to make dinner, love to can, love to be home and I can't seem to find a love for things at home.  I love to clean, I love to do laundry....but I hate to cook.

Every morning I read my scriptures say my prayers, go work out before the kids get up and then help them along their days....but is it enough ?  and why do I anguish over my personal contributions to the church, family, and society in general?

These are the demons in my head on a daily basis....I struggle, I wrestle with myself in my head....I don't even know if they have made sense on paper and I have only gone into detail with a few....  No worries....I just keep on keeping on hoping that the Lord will have the spirit direct me as long as I stay worthy.